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Looking at the framework for why we choose the relationship structures we choose can help us make more mindful and intentional decisions with our dating and partnerships. ⠀ Monogamy in the west is still very much the default. This isn’t a negative, but I’ve found when working with monogamous couples it helps strengthen their relationship when they both know WHY they’re choosing monogamy. ⠀ Maybe it’s because they abide by the scarcity model of romantic love (scarcity is not to be taken insultingly), maybe it’s because s-xual fidelity is important to them, maybe their faith dictates this relationship style. All of these are important reasons to choose one structure of relationship. ⠀ But what I find is many people do not discuss what fidelity is or even what monogamy means to them- they assume. This assumption can get couples into a lot of trouble when an unspoken agreement is violated. ⠀ Polyamory is based on the framework of the bounty model of love- meaning falling in love with another person doesn’t need to detract from your love from someone else. ⠀ Poly relationships require a great deal more of planning and communication, so sometimes they’re not feasible even if you adhere to this model of love. ⠀ The important piece is that no matter what kind of relationship you choose that you discuss it directly with your partner or partners. Share your thoughts on monogamy, what cheating means to you, & past relationship experiences that influence your choices. ⠀ #therapy #counselor #counseling #monogamy #nonmonogamy #relationships #couples ⠀

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